Second-String Fullback

Numerous rappers love comparing stuff to other stuff. Example: “Young Money baby, big shit like a horse ass” or “I’ve got more records than the KGB.” In this occasional series, I’ll find the best comparisons involving players or teams from the NFL in rap songs. And who knows, maybe you’ll end up listening to the whole song. If you’ve got suggestions, email them to me.

This entry comes from “I’m Not A Star,” by Rick Ross off his new album Teflon Don. As a nice surprise, there’s actually a DOUBLE DOSE of football comparisons in this song.

9 for the slice, dummy that’s a Dan Marino
Talkin’ quarterbacks mean ya talkin’ quarter kilos

I’ve been trying to figure this one out, and I can’t. Obviously it’s about drugs, but I’m not sure exactly what it means. If you know about drugs (or are Rick Ross!!!), email me an explanation and get SSF-famous!

Here’s the second comparison:

I’m a player catchin’ bitches like I’m T.O.
Trunk full of work, yea this n*gga think he neno

UPDATE-
Someone to the rescue! Andy Hutchins explains the first comparison, and also helps out on the second:

Andy Hutchins

I’m here for you.

The Dan Marino reference is surprisingly simple: “9 for the slice” is a reference to cocaine, obviously, but you have no way of knowing he’s saying it’s $9,000 for a quarter kilo until you get to “Talkin’ quarterbacks means ya talkin’ quarter kilos.” Marino’s number wasn’t 9, so the purpose of Marino is to be a “quarterback” or slang for a quarter kilo. So “Dan Marino” = a quarter kilo of cocaine available for the low, low price of $9,000.

The second one is obvious with T.O., but the second line doesn’t end with “neno” but “Nino,” a reference to Nino Brown, from New Jack City.

Punting is one of the least exciting aspects of the game of football to fans. This article I just read about retired punter Craig Hentrich passing on a “knuckleball punt” to current Tennessee Titans punter Brett Kern just made it a lot more interesting.

Go knuckles deep, Tennessean:

Craig Hentrich retired, but he left his knuckleball punt behind. Now it’s up to Brett Kern to keep the tradition going.

Kern, who replaced Hentrich when the 16-year veteran went on injured reserve last season, is the favorite to win the Titans’ punting job in training camp. Last season, he was exceptional, averaging 45 yards, including a 41.4-yard net, in the final 10 games.

This offseason he has tried to add the knuckleball punt, which Hentrich taught him.

“I have worked hard on it, trying to perfect it. I’m still getting some tips from Craig,” Kern said. “Now it is a matter of going out and doing it in practice with a rush in the preseason and things like that. Being able to execute in the game is totally different, but that’s what I hope to do.”
…
In organized team activities, Kern appeared to have succeeded in learning the knuckler. Special teams coach Alan Lowry, who had to talk Hentrich into trying it in a game, said he thinks Kern is ready.

“It is a hard thing to do,” Kern said. “You can shank it real easy if you are not careful. I have always done the usual and when I came here, the idea of the knuckleball, Coach Lowry and Coach (Jeff) Fisher really liked it. So if I can master this and hone my skills on it, it would be great.”

This sounds amazing, and I wish more punters were capable of learning this. Imagine how much more exciting punts would be. It’s not very often that returners muff punts, but with this new kind of way to boot the ball, it could turn into a more hectic game. I wouldn’t be surprised if a couple coaches are trying to contact Hentrich now for a special teams job.

I looked online and I couldn’t find any videos of Kern in action with this knuckleball punt, but here’s a 10-minute video of him punting while he was still in college. If you find any video of knuckleball punts, please send it to me or share it in the comments.